How To Kill A Furby
by Clarice-Starling1
Summary: PG because of the death scene lol! This is just a fun story so don't take it seriously even if you own a Furby.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the Furby cooperation.  
  
This is a fic I wrote for fun so review if you want but if you don't want then that's cool. No Furbies were harmed in the writing of this fic.  
  
It was a dark night in Toys R Us. Every so often a vehicle would drive past so that shards of light would travel through the windows highlighting the shelves of stuffed animals, dolls and electronic toys. The strangest of the toys though, were the Furbies. Small, furry alien like creatures with pointy ears and big hypnotic eyes. They were said to be the latest thing and tomorrow they would sell like hot cakes, as they would still be popular by Christmas. In Japan they were even beating the hell out of Pokemon. Little did people know of the secret that lay behind those cute looking critters....  
  
"So Clarice, looking forward to your birthday?" Hannibal asked, gazing fondly at the beautiful copper haired woman.  
  
"I suppose, yeah." Clarice replied, "Most women don't like to think about getting older, I don't get it."  
  
"Vanity never belonged in your personality Clarice." Hannibal smiled.  
  
"Thanks.... I think." The woman raised an eyebrow. She took a sip of her wine and sighed. It was the best money could buy, and now she could afford it. In the back of her mind she wondered what Hannibal was planning for her birthday. Something fun and new he had mentioned.   
  
The sun began to set slowly, the sky lined in pink, gold and a little of the slight grey cloud was left until it gradually turned more and more navy then completely black with bright stars shining making the silver moon stand out. The couple loved cool nights like this. Perfect for drinking the most exquisite wine and discussing great novels.  
  
Clarice's birthday  
  
"OK Clarice, close your eyes." Hannibal said as he entered the living room carrying a parcel, which he set down on the sofa beside her. "Open them now."  
  
Clarice did as she was told, and opened her present. It was a bright box, which contained a grey Furby. It was so cute that Clarice sighed and cocked her head on one side. She leapt up and hugged Hannibal.  
  
"Thanks Han, I love it."  
  
"I'll set it up for you." Hannibal placed the batteries in the robot creature. It opened its eyes and said in a singsong voice, "Me Obay. Ha."  
  
"Aww." Clarice smiled.  
  
"Me hungry!"  
  
"OK." Hannibal looked at the manual and pressed a spoon on the robot's tongue. It made appreciative noises then farted loudly. Clarice fell about laughing. This was one of the funniest things she had ever seen.  
  
"Me love you." Obay sang and blew a kiss. Hannibal grinned.  
  
"Bored." Obay yelled. Clarice picked the Furby up and tipped it back and forward.  
  
"Weeeeeeeeee!" Obay shouted. "Do dooooo!"   
  
"This is so cool Han." Clarice laughed.  
  
"Me no like!" Obay screamed when he got sick of the ride.  
  
"OK." The birthday girl set him on the side table where he rocked back and forward.  
  
"Nare nee nare nee narenare." The creature sang.  
  
"Cute." Hannibal laughed. He didn't think it was so cute though a week later and the Furby still wouldn't shut up.  
  
"Me want play!"  
  
"Me want sleep." Hannibal replied. "God shut up!" Even Clarice was getting a bit narked.  
  
"Do you ever be quiet?" She asked the robot sleepily.  
  
"Cover it with a towel Clarice." Hannibal leaned over her to glare at the aggravating critter. Clarice did as she was told, but after half an hour things were getting a bit ridiculous.  
  
"I'll take your bloody batteries out if you don't shut the hell up!" Clarice warned.  
  
"Me not scared of you."  
  
"Hannibal did that Furby just talk back?" Clarice asked a little nervous.  
  
"Me did. Me want to play, no sleep for Obay!" The Furby sang.  
  
"Will you shut the hell up so we can sleep?" Hannibal shouted. "God I'm talking to a bloody toy!"  
  
"Me give you bloody toy!" Obay yelled and then jumped up his beak bared to bite.   
  
"Oh no you don't!" Clarice grabbed him. "Come on Han, I've got a plan."  
  
She took the robot to the kitchen and put it in the microwave.  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" Obay screamed.  
  
"Wouldn't I?" Clarice slammed the door, and set it to max power. The grey critter spun round and started singing.  
  
"I'm spinning around, move outta my way!"  
  
"O...K." Clarice rolled her eyes. Obay started getting dizzy.  
  
"Picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies, somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, a girl with kaleidoscope eyes."  
  
"When I said I would get you something fun for your birthday a singing Furby never crossed my mind." Hannibal remarked.  
  
Steam began to rise from the robot who now chanted, "Burning, burning, burning, burning..." BOOOOOOOM! Obay exploded! His eyes flew off and got stuck to the microwave door, his fur was now non-existent and his beak was still moving up and down.  
  
Clarice and Hannibal looked at each other, then at the bits of Furby. Sleep could now enter their lives again. 


	2. How to kill an annoying plastic doll

Disclaimer: You know the score.   
  
"God I'm glad to be rid of that Furby." Clarice flopped back on the sofa. Hannibal grinned and wrapped one arm round her. They had just finished clearing away any evidence of the robot's corpse. It had taken them around two hours because of the wires that were stuck to the microwave door. Clarice turned the TV on and after just five minutes the doorbell rang. Hannibal groaned and answered it. He came back a minute later with a small buggy.   
  
"What the hell?" Clarice stared at him.  
  
"You know our neighbours, the Waldo's?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"They've asked us to baby-sit."  
  
"Hannibal, they don't have kids."  
  
"Not real ones yet anyway." He held up a plastic doll. "They bought this to practice parenting."  
  
"Oh. My. God." Clarice rolled her eyes.  
  
"I know, but they're paying us."  
  
Clarice sat up. "How much?"  
  
"Ten dollars an hour."  
  
"Bloody hell."  
  
At that moment the doll gave a wail. Hannibal picked up the bottle and shoved it in its mouth. At first he thought the whole thing was amusing but eventually it came to a stage when the doll screamed, "Me want go pee-pee!"   
  
"Use the toilet then." Hannibal muttered. Clarice spluttered.   
  
"Take me." The doll, whose name was "Baby wee-wee" demanded.  
  
"No way that's pervy." Clarice replied.  
  
"Take me NOW!"   
  
"It's upstairs on the right." Hannibal informed the toy. It waddled over to him and said in a menacing voice.  
  
"You don't take me, I go pee on you."   
  
"Get lost."  
  
"You asked for it." Hannibal ducked out of the way dragging Clarice with him. The doll wet himself and laughed.  
  
"Dirty little git. I've got a place for you." Clarice grabbed him by his hair and took him to the kitchen. Hannibal caught on and opened the washer door, "In here Clarice? Or," He opened the oven door, "In here?"  
  
"Let's burn the bugger, stuff the pay." She threw the thing in the oven and slammed the door. Hannibal set it on high temperature and they sat down to watch. The doll screamed and shouted profanities. Then there was silence. Clarice leaned forward to see what had happened.   
  
BOOOOOOOOOOM! The dolls head exploded.  
  
Hannibal buried the bits in the Waldo's back yard. They moved to a house in Britain the next week. 


End file.
